The creative restlessness. 

My questions. 

My question is: What do I want to be when I grow up? 
My other question is: What do I want to do to make money? 
My answer is: I think I have an idea. But I really don’t know. 
I know it’s going to be something creative. And I think it’s going to involve the sharing of stories. Stories are my favourite things. 

Let’s back it up. 

I had a double lung transplant at the end of November because Cystic Fibrosis had ruined my own lungs and I could barely breathe enough to function even while wearing oxygen tubing. (That’s a story for another blog post.) Now I’m feeling better than I’ve felt in years and have so much more energy. I’m getting married and moving into a new apartment with my guy – so many exciting things happening! But….what am I going to do

My unfocused creative pursuits. 

  • I have some skills in photography and editing. 
  • I have some basic skills in video editing. 
  • I have some writing skills and abilities. Poetry and essays mostly. 
  • I have a decent amount of experience in public speaking and an interest in podcasts. 

But I have no idea which one or ones I want to pursue. Maybe it will end up being a few of these or maybe none of the above. I have dabbled in all of them to some extent or another but I have no formal training and only bits of experience here or there. I have no certificates or university degrees. Sometimes due to my own choice and sometimes because my health made pursuing an education difficult. I know that whatever I choose is not a life sentence. If it doesn’t work out, I can change my mind. But where to start? How? 

The creative restlessness. 

This is bothering me. Getting to me. This not knowing what I want in this area of my life. I keep getting told that I’ll figure it out eventually, to give it time, try anything and everything, etc, etc. But I’m impatient to have a creative purpose. I need a direction so I have a creative outlet and can come up with ideas and plans and get down to creating! I’m eager to start connecting with people through whichever medium I choose to utilize. I’m eager for the stories that are sure to come. 

More questions. 

But again I ask, where to begin? 
And how? 
How do I figure out what is going to light me up? 

Well, hi there. 

If you are out there and you have advice or suggestions, I’m all ears. For serious, guys. Or, if you can relate to what I’m carrying on about, I’d love to hear about that too. Feel free to comment or send me an email! 

Possibilities

When you look at me

                  I see that you see

                            All the possibilities of

                            what you and I could

                            be. 

Where is the joy?

I’ve been so focused on getting things done and planning for the future and making up for the time I lost while I was in Edmonton (for five long months) that I think I forgot about joy. I think I forgot about having fun. But what good is having new, healthy lungs if I don’t use them to enjoy life? Sure, it’s great to have a “to do” list and have the drive to get things done. But what about joy? What about enjoying this newfound freedom that comes from having new lungs and being free of supplemental oxygen? 

I think it’s about balance. A balance between accomplishing tasks and enjoying and being grateful for the life I get to live. I need to prioritize down time and relaxation and fun. As much as, if not more than, I prioritize the things on my “to do” list. I want to work on being more present and in the moment. Rather than constantly thinking three steps ahead. It’s fun to get excited about the future but balance is key. Focusing too much on the future can cause me to start getting anxious about little things that don’t matter yet and may never matter. So the latest lesson I’ve learned? Balance is key. Prioritize fun. Prioritize joy. They’ll help you be more productive in the long run anyway! And that’s just a bonus. The best part is that you’ll feel hella good. That’s right, I said hella.

The Future

The future looks brightmy love.
I’m excited for the big things but more than that 
I’m excited for the little things. 
The Star Wars marathons and movie date nights. 
The kitchen dance parties that leave behind unwashed dishes. 
The feel of your skin on mine as sleep takes over. 
The endless kisses and giddy laughter. 
I want it all with you by my side. 
Come
my love
and take my hand.
It’s time to begin the life we’ve dreamed of. 

Whisper-sing

We whisper-sing Marvin Gaye’s Sexual Healing in bed
and I laugh as you attempt to dance under the sheets. 
My goofiness is seen by few
but you always manage to bring it out. 
I laugh until my cheeks hurt
and you kiss them better. 
Let’s never stop making each other laugh.
Let’s never take these moments for granted. 
Let’s fill our home with love and laughter and kisses on smiling cheeks.